This is good
25.9.08
24.9.08
23.9.08
16.9.08
13.9.08
The Shoes of Fashion Week
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/09/13/fashion/shows/20080913-street-feature/index.html
5.8.08
God's forgiveness, Requires us to forgive others
So I’ve been fasting for the past few days, and I’ve been praying. The first day I started praying, I asked God for all the things on the list that I knew I wanted and needed. I prayed for the things that the others had put on their request list. But by day three, it got harder to focus on my desires. My prayers changed; they became Lord what do YOU want for me. See I experienced a calm reassurance that God was with me still despite who I was, because I accepted and acknowledged that God would supply my needs according to his riches. He’d supply the needs that were best for me.
The things that burdened me were more about praising him in spite of what I thought I needed, and asking that he transform me. I felt another message that he was trying to teach me. More important than giving me my desires was that my desires came in line with HIS desires. Yet, that realization convicted me of something else. I was asking the Lord to hear and bless my prayer when I had anger and bitterness and couldn’t forgive others. It was always a practice in the Bible that before you could present your sacrifice, you had to go find your neighbor and clear any grievances between both of you.
Yet, with this actualization I realized something else. In clarifying a grievance both sides have to examine their role in the situation. Sin is like AIDS everyone becomes infected expect those who choose to abstain…what do I mean.
I was in a bad relationship. Bad for several reasons…
I was angry with my ex, I wanted to hurt him so that he could feel the hurt I felt. I wanted to be vindicated, because the image I knew he portrayed of me and the image that my continuance in the relationship showed wasn’t comfortable. I wanted revenge, I wanted to be right. I had been manipulated, lied on, betrayed, and abandoned, long before I had a chance to do any of the same things. Yet, with clear conscious as I was praying I knew I could not ask God for what I wanted and feel like this towards one of his children.
Granted he was physically, emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive. He was a liar, a womanizer, professionally unstable, and didn’t behave in the confounds of our house as he professed to outside of it. YET, and this was the part that I was like wow, I had that aha moment… it was as if every time I got down on my knees to pray the Lord would ask, “But where were you wrong?”
See despite who and what he was and still is, I participated in this sin. Not just because I stayed in the situation. I was to blame because I was in the situation in the first place. No dating is not a sin, but living with someone you aren’t married to, and having a sexual relationship with them and being unmarried is. I could not ask God to bless that situation and he couldn’t bless it even on the good days, because it was not what he commanded of me.
Some of us know truth and we are held accountable for that truth. In reality I was and am more to blame than my ex, because I knew more and better than he did. He was not brought up in the church, he didn’t know the God I knew, he didn’t read the Bible and he hadn’t experienced God as I had. I was supposed to lead him to Christ, not to the Devil’s front door. My participation in the sin, allowed me to be a stumbling block and I was accountable to the Father for leading his child into sin, more so than the Gentile who knew nothing of him.
It’s funny, church girls are always the ones who get pregnant the first time they sleep with someone. When we drink we are always the ones who get into accidents, the first time we use drugs we get strung out. We look out on those in the “world” like, “well they get away with it.” They aren’t accountable for truth they don’t know. Fifth graders aren’t expected to perform trigonometric equations, however, 10th graders are.
He paid a debt he didn’t owe, and now we owe a debt we can’t repay.
Too many of us have taken Christ and his sacrifice for granted. We are very familiar with Jesus who came and died for us and paid the debt for our sin, however, we have no conception of God the Father who was just and carried out justice. Most of us don’t even have the sense enough to fear the consequences of our sin. We have apostatized. We have relationships that are adulterous, we commit fornication, we lie, we steal, we are drunks, abusers, drug addicts, homosexuals, etc. We go to church every week, and we usher, we sing on the praise team and in the choir, we pass around the offering plate, we read announcements and go about our day as if everything is fine. Just because God hasn’t struck us down in the midst of our sin like he did the children of Israel in the Old Testament, doesn’t mean he is pleased. We know better but do worse.
God can’t bless our mess! He will not bless our mess! We are pompous and arrogant to think and believe that he will---and more brazen still, that we believe that because he is this benevolent God that he is required to. He will forgive our sincere repentance, but cries when our house of cards come tumbling down don’t cut it.
I looked at my situation and had to ask myself, how did I expect the situation to play out. I had done my own thing, and expected God to perform these miraculous feats to fix it and continue to give me what I wanted. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Faith is noun that means nothing for our salvation until we change it into a verb called faithfulness. We must project a life---the adjective---faithful, and live our lives as an adverb, faithfully. God had been more than merciful towards me, he kept me from losing my life, contracting AIDS, and/or ending up in a hospital. HOWEVER, as much as he may have forgiven me, he was just enough to allow me my choices. God allows in his permissive will our ability to make choices.
Whether those choices are good or bad, we must live and die by them. Forgiveness doesn’t change the course of our actions, it cannot remove the consequences.
Meaning, God may have forgiven my sinfulness in my relationship and he may even have overlooked my not leading this man all the way to HIM and giving into temptations. However, I couldn’t be mad at him or HIM for the consequences of those choices. I sowed those seeds and I was going to have to reap them, one by one. He may allow me to get away from some, but I can’t escape them all. This is not to say that by works alone, I could fix the situation, but it is to say that as I proved myself faithful the more he could trust me. He who is faithful over a few things, can be made ruler over many.
Being vindictive wasn’t going to fix my situation any faster either. I need to pray for forgiveness from God, and from him. My sinfulness set up the chain events I was now experiencing and blaming others for my choices wasn’t helping either. Transference of blame or projecting my issues, only perpetuate the cycle.
Flowing from my heart…are the issues of my heart…
So this issue that had been on my heart brought me to a place of immense peace. I didn’t need to wallow in the blame and guilt. I needed to ask the Father for forgiveness like David did when he committed adultery with Bathsheba, and move on with God. David and all of his sinfulness was still described as a man after God’s own heart. Finally, I was feeling immense peace with myself and the situation after accepting this revelation.
When we wallow in revenge and mask it as getting what’s ours; when we swim in anger, and call it venting; when we remain transfixed in the sin; and rationalize it as needing time to fix it; when we live in denial of our actions and our sin; rather than accept our role and responsibility---we hinder God’s greatest blessing, his grace to save us, his mercy to forgive us, his love to enfold us, and his power to transform us.
I have decided as for me, I will choose God’s way rather than my own way. Mother has lived and it has been a hard life. I clearly can’t be trusted to direct my own affairs. I’ve made a horrible mess of myself. I can only allow God to direct my path, for he knows the purpose he designed for my life, the path he wants me to take, and the direction he wants me to go in.
My ex isn’t perfect, no one is, he may be worse than most, but the freedom I gained from letting go of the anger and hurt, has taken me to a greater place; a place of peace. I must humble myself to be forgiven for my role in our sin. The greater glory is that I can now pray that God transform his life and bring him closer to him and raise him up to be the man that HE wants him to be. To God be the glory, for GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!
Nothing can separate you from the love of God…
The things that burdened me were more about praising him in spite of what I thought I needed, and asking that he transform me. I felt another message that he was trying to teach me. More important than giving me my desires was that my desires came in line with HIS desires. Yet, that realization convicted me of something else. I was asking the Lord to hear and bless my prayer when I had anger and bitterness and couldn’t forgive others. It was always a practice in the Bible that before you could present your sacrifice, you had to go find your neighbor and clear any grievances between both of you.
Yet, with this actualization I realized something else. In clarifying a grievance both sides have to examine their role in the situation. Sin is like AIDS everyone becomes infected expect those who choose to abstain…what do I mean.
I was in a bad relationship. Bad for several reasons…
I was angry with my ex, I wanted to hurt him so that he could feel the hurt I felt. I wanted to be vindicated, because the image I knew he portrayed of me and the image that my continuance in the relationship showed wasn’t comfortable. I wanted revenge, I wanted to be right. I had been manipulated, lied on, betrayed, and abandoned, long before I had a chance to do any of the same things. Yet, with clear conscious as I was praying I knew I could not ask God for what I wanted and feel like this towards one of his children.
Granted he was physically, emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive. He was a liar, a womanizer, professionally unstable, and didn’t behave in the confounds of our house as he professed to outside of it. YET, and this was the part that I was like wow, I had that aha moment… it was as if every time I got down on my knees to pray the Lord would ask, “But where were you wrong?”
See despite who and what he was and still is, I participated in this sin. Not just because I stayed in the situation. I was to blame because I was in the situation in the first place. No dating is not a sin, but living with someone you aren’t married to, and having a sexual relationship with them and being unmarried is. I could not ask God to bless that situation and he couldn’t bless it even on the good days, because it was not what he commanded of me.
Some of us know truth and we are held accountable for that truth. In reality I was and am more to blame than my ex, because I knew more and better than he did. He was not brought up in the church, he didn’t know the God I knew, he didn’t read the Bible and he hadn’t experienced God as I had. I was supposed to lead him to Christ, not to the Devil’s front door. My participation in the sin, allowed me to be a stumbling block and I was accountable to the Father for leading his child into sin, more so than the Gentile who knew nothing of him.
It’s funny, church girls are always the ones who get pregnant the first time they sleep with someone. When we drink we are always the ones who get into accidents, the first time we use drugs we get strung out. We look out on those in the “world” like, “well they get away with it.” They aren’t accountable for truth they don’t know. Fifth graders aren’t expected to perform trigonometric equations, however, 10th graders are.
He paid a debt he didn’t owe, and now we owe a debt we can’t repay.
Too many of us have taken Christ and his sacrifice for granted. We are very familiar with Jesus who came and died for us and paid the debt for our sin, however, we have no conception of God the Father who was just and carried out justice. Most of us don’t even have the sense enough to fear the consequences of our sin. We have apostatized. We have relationships that are adulterous, we commit fornication, we lie, we steal, we are drunks, abusers, drug addicts, homosexuals, etc. We go to church every week, and we usher, we sing on the praise team and in the choir, we pass around the offering plate, we read announcements and go about our day as if everything is fine. Just because God hasn’t struck us down in the midst of our sin like he did the children of Israel in the Old Testament, doesn’t mean he is pleased. We know better but do worse.
God can’t bless our mess! He will not bless our mess! We are pompous and arrogant to think and believe that he will---and more brazen still, that we believe that because he is this benevolent God that he is required to. He will forgive our sincere repentance, but cries when our house of cards come tumbling down don’t cut it.
I looked at my situation and had to ask myself, how did I expect the situation to play out. I had done my own thing, and expected God to perform these miraculous feats to fix it and continue to give me what I wanted. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Faith is noun that means nothing for our salvation until we change it into a verb called faithfulness. We must project a life---the adjective---faithful, and live our lives as an adverb, faithfully. God had been more than merciful towards me, he kept me from losing my life, contracting AIDS, and/or ending up in a hospital. HOWEVER, as much as he may have forgiven me, he was just enough to allow me my choices. God allows in his permissive will our ability to make choices.
Whether those choices are good or bad, we must live and die by them. Forgiveness doesn’t change the course of our actions, it cannot remove the consequences.
Meaning, God may have forgiven my sinfulness in my relationship and he may even have overlooked my not leading this man all the way to HIM and giving into temptations. However, I couldn’t be mad at him or HIM for the consequences of those choices. I sowed those seeds and I was going to have to reap them, one by one. He may allow me to get away from some, but I can’t escape them all. This is not to say that by works alone, I could fix the situation, but it is to say that as I proved myself faithful the more he could trust me. He who is faithful over a few things, can be made ruler over many.
Being vindictive wasn’t going to fix my situation any faster either. I need to pray for forgiveness from God, and from him. My sinfulness set up the chain events I was now experiencing and blaming others for my choices wasn’t helping either. Transference of blame or projecting my issues, only perpetuate the cycle.
Flowing from my heart…are the issues of my heart…
So this issue that had been on my heart brought me to a place of immense peace. I didn’t need to wallow in the blame and guilt. I needed to ask the Father for forgiveness like David did when he committed adultery with Bathsheba, and move on with God. David and all of his sinfulness was still described as a man after God’s own heart. Finally, I was feeling immense peace with myself and the situation after accepting this revelation.
When we wallow in revenge and mask it as getting what’s ours; when we swim in anger, and call it venting; when we remain transfixed in the sin; and rationalize it as needing time to fix it; when we live in denial of our actions and our sin; rather than accept our role and responsibility---we hinder God’s greatest blessing, his grace to save us, his mercy to forgive us, his love to enfold us, and his power to transform us.
I have decided as for me, I will choose God’s way rather than my own way. Mother has lived and it has been a hard life. I clearly can’t be trusted to direct my own affairs. I’ve made a horrible mess of myself. I can only allow God to direct my path, for he knows the purpose he designed for my life, the path he wants me to take, and the direction he wants me to go in.
My ex isn’t perfect, no one is, he may be worse than most, but the freedom I gained from letting go of the anger and hurt, has taken me to a greater place; a place of peace. I must humble myself to be forgiven for my role in our sin. The greater glory is that I can now pray that God transform his life and bring him closer to him and raise him up to be the man that HE wants him to be. To God be the glory, for GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!
Nothing can separate you from the love of God…
28.7.08
Why...for my Faith
Why?
A question I ask pretty often.... I ask why about everything
I consider myself to be intuitive and always wanting to know and understand things
Analytical (ANAL)
Yet why is very relative...we can never understand or know the absolute why of anything because we don't know or understand absolute truth.
That is what why is? I'm guessing
I think most times, the why is probably not something we should know. Whether good or bad, I believe that the Father in his infinite wisdom knows and understands that especially in human relations, why is just better left unsaid.....
If we understood the why of things, we'd probably hurt and be hurt more often,
we would see less value in things we hold dear,
and value in the relationships we have grown to love
Life is about loving....I don't believe that if most of us knew why we love or whom we choose to love we would continue to love. Too Much Information....
Life is about faith, hope, and perserverance
with the answers to the whys
there is no need to have faith for we know all, and can lean on our own understanding
there is no need to have hope if we can know all, because we inevitably know how the story will end
there is no need to have perserverance if we know all, because most journeys in life are about a realization and an actualization of a destination and an experience; the answer to the why does away with that "ah ha" moment, when it finally all comes together
That is why I think our whys must be relative
The answer to why doesn't always need to be known or given or told
Somethings are better left unsaid
Some situations better left misunderstood
Some places better left unknown
Some people better left untouched
The absolute requires us to answer all of these things, why is rarely selective, and it isn't supposed to be subjective
Therefore, I am going to stop trying to be so ANALytical and let some of the whys I want answers to left unanswered
I'm going to trust that somehow and somewhere someone knows the answer and maybe like Adam and Eve in the Garden....there's somethings I just don't want my eyes opened up to
Somethings I should just not want to see....why has gotten us/me into a lot of trouble
A question I ask pretty often.... I ask why about everything
I consider myself to be intuitive and always wanting to know and understand things
Analytical (ANAL)
Yet why is very relative...we can never understand or know the absolute why of anything because we don't know or understand absolute truth.
That is what why is? I'm guessing
I think most times, the why is probably not something we should know. Whether good or bad, I believe that the Father in his infinite wisdom knows and understands that especially in human relations, why is just better left unsaid.....
If we understood the why of things, we'd probably hurt and be hurt more often,
we would see less value in things we hold dear,
and value in the relationships we have grown to love
Life is about loving....I don't believe that if most of us knew why we love or whom we choose to love we would continue to love. Too Much Information....
Life is about faith, hope, and perserverance
with the answers to the whys
there is no need to have faith for we know all, and can lean on our own understanding
there is no need to have hope if we can know all, because we inevitably know how the story will end
there is no need to have perserverance if we know all, because most journeys in life are about a realization and an actualization of a destination and an experience; the answer to the why does away with that "ah ha" moment, when it finally all comes together
That is why I think our whys must be relative
The answer to why doesn't always need to be known or given or told
Somethings are better left unsaid
Some situations better left misunderstood
Some places better left unknown
Some people better left untouched
The absolute requires us to answer all of these things, why is rarely selective, and it isn't supposed to be subjective
Therefore, I am going to stop trying to be so ANALytical and let some of the whys I want answers to left unanswered
I'm going to trust that somehow and somewhere someone knows the answer and maybe like Adam and Eve in the Garden....there's somethings I just don't want my eyes opened up to
Somethings I should just not want to see....why has gotten us/me into a lot of trouble
Piece...Peace
I've found my piece of peace...
For a long time I didn't know where or what that was....
But I've found it...
That thing, that says it's quite ok to be in a room by yourself, with a book, and no noise, and not want anything else...
Not noise---see noise is people, places and things causing distractions...
In my piece of peace...
I found there was a lot of noise, so I'm going to get rid of the additional noise
I like the peace, it's about time for the peace
Fuck the people who can't understand the peace
As they say this [peace]that I have the world didn't give it to me and the world can't take it away
SO I'm turning off the noise, I wonder who, what, where and when will be left in the background as the peaceful melody of my life...
The why....well I figured that out already
For a long time I didn't know where or what that was....
But I've found it...
That thing, that says it's quite ok to be in a room by yourself, with a book, and no noise, and not want anything else...
Not noise---see noise is people, places and things causing distractions...
In my piece of peace...
I found there was a lot of noise, so I'm going to get rid of the additional noise
I like the peace, it's about time for the peace
Fuck the people who can't understand the peace
As they say this [peace]that I have the world didn't give it to me and the world can't take it away
SO I'm turning off the noise, I wonder who, what, where and when will be left in the background as the peaceful melody of my life...
The why....well I figured that out already
26.7.08
Making a Continent
As I wrap my legs around
And open my thighs
Strong sturdy ships sail into
A roaring ocean
Billowing frothy waves
Vibrations beat against the sides
And the rhythm of the ship on these tempestuous waters
Is love
On this sea of love
Making love
We fight
Passionately
Tasting taste buds
That taste of
Life
Longing
Lust
Fiercely
Playfully looking to find that place where each can find
What they need
He sucks peace from her
She draws protection out of him
As it creates love
Through love
They make love
Toes like roots come together
The roots to the trees finding a home in the earth
Trees which stand erect and salute the heavens above
Hold on to the earth beneath united
They depend on one other for support and nourishment
Health and stability
Roots strong and male
Comb through earth that is moist and fertile
Fe Male
Their union is the beginning of love
Their love
Making love
Placing arms around bodies these two countries come together
And bind to one another heart to heart
And soul to soul
Creating one
Being a new continent forged to get the re
Enactment of
Billowing vibrations rhythms that fight passionately tasting life longing lust fiercely playfully looking for peace and protection coming together to find a home salute heaven above and hold on united for support and nourishment for health stability strong and male moist fertile female unions binding heart to heart and soul to soul creating together
Love
While making love
Not fucking or having sex
But sleeping together to perform acts of love
Which create new continents of love
And produce islands of fruitful bountiful people that are the embodiment of love
And these things are what love makes while making sweet love
With someone you love
Your hands on my hips pull me right back to you,
I Catch that thrust give it right back to you,
you're in so deep I'm breathing for you,
you
Grab my braids arch my back high for you your
Diesel engine,
I'm squirting mad oil ah
Down on the floor til my speaker starts
to boil
I flip shit
Quick slip
Hip dip
And I'm twisted
In your hands
and your lips
and your tongue tricks
and you're so thick
and you're so thick
and you're so
Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice (On Ice)
Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice (On Ice)
Your hands on my hips pull me right back to you,
I Catch that thrust give it right back to you, you're
In so deep I'm breathing for you, you
Grab my braids arch my back high for you your
Diesel engine,
I'm squirting mad oil ah
Down on the floor til my speaker startsto boil
I flip shit
Quick slip
Hip dip
And I'm twisted
In your hands
and your lips
and your tongue tricks
and you're so thick
and you're so thick
and you're so
Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice (On Ice)
Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice (On Ice)
Jill Scott, Crown Royal - The Real Thing: Words and Sounds, Vol. 3
Harlem Nocturne
I feel your lips
right
there
on that
curve
right between the base of my neck and the end of my shoulder
I think it’s a clavicle
I feel your legs in between my legs
And your long toes pushed up against my beauty
full pedicured feet
You wrap your arms around my waist and your hands loving gently
Accepting
Fall on those two humps some call love
I call fat
I feel your hardness pressed against my spine
Buhbum buhbum rapidly
Two for my one but there is a rhythm
Syncopated
But in step
You’re two for my one
You have always given
Two for my one
Are you compensating for my lack
Or adding to what I have
Nothing…
Possesion
You possess me and I possess you
Like demon spirits taking over the other
Not able to be removed
Exorcised
I take your breath sweet into my nostrils and breathe your air
And you do likewise
We are
We are
We are no longer plural so
We is
One
I crave your mouth, your voice, you hair. Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets. Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh, your hands the color of a savage harvest, hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails. I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.
I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body, the sovereign nose of your arrogant face, I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes, and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight, hunting for you, for your hot heart, like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue. ~Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XI
24.7.08
My Love Letter to Black Men---My Plea and Supplication
My Love Letter to Black Men---My Plea and Supplication
Inspired by The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin 1962
To My Brothers--- Brian Christopher and Jonathan Maxwell,
and to the brothers who share not my blood, but my skin.
I see and understand your pain. I am enlightened enough to know from which it comes; empowered by your courage to withstand. I do not exonerate your behavior or response. Yet, I am not so naïve to think that it does not come from the conundrum of your existence--- the realities ---which never elucidated and elaborated on, can only help to produce such a response.
The penumbra of your actions, mistakes and victories alike, are not always expected. Thus the response of fear; not always welcomed, hence the response of anger. Nevertheless, understand that whatever your response you effect/affect the people--- the plebeians/proletariat, we your family also among and about you.
The soldiers, you our warriors, have deserted the battle from either weary, disappointment or denial. However, in order to overcome every man must return to his post as watchmen of his people, and take up arms (figuratively) wherever he should be. To fight the power that is all encompassing and oppressive. Remember the revolution will not be televised…for it must happen in your mind, your heart, your soul.
Peace be unto you black brother.
I have known both of you all your lives, have carried your Daddy in my arms and on my shoulders, kissed and spanked him and watched him learn to walk. I don't know if you've known anybody from that far back; if you've loved anybody that long, first as an infant, then as a child, then as a man, you gain a strange perspective on time and human pain and effort. Other people cannot see what I see whenever I look into your father's face, for behind your father's face as it is today are all those other faces which were his. Let him laugh and I see a cellar your father does not remember and a house he does not remember and I hear in his present laughter his laughter as a child. Let him curse and I remember him falling down the cellar steps, and howling, an I remember, with pain, his tears, which my hand or your grandmother's so easily wiped away. But no one's hand can wipe away those tears he sheds invisibly today, which one hears in his laughter and in his speech and in his songs. I know what the world has done to my brother and how narrowly he has survived it. And I know, which is much worse, and this is the crime of which I accuse my country and my countrymen, and for which neither I nor time nor history will ever forgive them, that they destroyed and are destroying hundreds of thousands of lives and do not know it and do not want to know it. One can be, indeed on must strive to become, tough and philosophical concerning destruction and death, for this is what most of mankind has been best at since we have heard of man. (But remember: most of mankind is not all of mankind.) But it is not permissible that the authors of devastation should also be innocent. It is the innocence which constitutes the crime…
You can only be destroyed by believing that you really are what the white world calls a nigger. I tell you this because I love you, and please don't you ever forget it.---James Baldwin
Inspired by The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin 1962
To My Brothers--- Brian Christopher and Jonathan Maxwell,
and to the brothers who share not my blood, but my skin.
I see and understand your pain. I am enlightened enough to know from which it comes; empowered by your courage to withstand. I do not exonerate your behavior or response. Yet, I am not so naïve to think that it does not come from the conundrum of your existence--- the realities ---which never elucidated and elaborated on, can only help to produce such a response.
The penumbra of your actions, mistakes and victories alike, are not always expected. Thus the response of fear; not always welcomed, hence the response of anger. Nevertheless, understand that whatever your response you effect/affect the people--- the plebeians/proletariat, we your family also among and about you.
The soldiers, you our warriors, have deserted the battle from either weary, disappointment or denial. However, in order to overcome every man must return to his post as watchmen of his people, and take up arms (figuratively) wherever he should be. To fight the power that is all encompassing and oppressive. Remember the revolution will not be televised…for it must happen in your mind, your heart, your soul.
Peace be unto you black brother.
I have known both of you all your lives, have carried your Daddy in my arms and on my shoulders, kissed and spanked him and watched him learn to walk. I don't know if you've known anybody from that far back; if you've loved anybody that long, first as an infant, then as a child, then as a man, you gain a strange perspective on time and human pain and effort. Other people cannot see what I see whenever I look into your father's face, for behind your father's face as it is today are all those other faces which were his. Let him laugh and I see a cellar your father does not remember and a house he does not remember and I hear in his present laughter his laughter as a child. Let him curse and I remember him falling down the cellar steps, and howling, an I remember, with pain, his tears, which my hand or your grandmother's so easily wiped away. But no one's hand can wipe away those tears he sheds invisibly today, which one hears in his laughter and in his speech and in his songs. I know what the world has done to my brother and how narrowly he has survived it. And I know, which is much worse, and this is the crime of which I accuse my country and my countrymen, and for which neither I nor time nor history will ever forgive them, that they destroyed and are destroying hundreds of thousands of lives and do not know it and do not want to know it. One can be, indeed on must strive to become, tough and philosophical concerning destruction and death, for this is what most of mankind has been best at since we have heard of man. (But remember: most of mankind is not all of mankind.) But it is not permissible that the authors of devastation should also be innocent. It is the innocence which constitutes the crime…
You can only be destroyed by believing that you really are what the white world calls a nigger. I tell you this because I love you, and please don't you ever forget it.---James Baldwin
Boy Friend
Psssst…yo what’s up shawty! I just wanna holla at you for a minute…
No need you ain’t even THOUGHT about being ready…
See it’s real simple
I’m looking for a boyfriend
You know that male friend
Who is more than a friend
But you
You not quite what I was looking for
You don’t even get this definition of friend
See algebra this ain’t
I’m looking for a boyfriend
Not a husband, a father or a cut buddy friend
But a boyfriend
You know the kind of friend that you can chill with
Get down with
Go out with
Be real with
And bug out with
You just don’t understand
I’m lookin for a boyfriend
And you just ain’t
That friend
See I need a boyfriend
Who is a man friend
Who can be my best friend
A ride or die loyal friend
Who just so happens to be of the male persuasion
Who spiritually we connect on a soul busom buddy
You my only friend
Type level
I’m looking for a boyfriend
Who makes me laugh when I’m crying
And sometimes I cry when he makes me laugh
Type of friend
And ahh look here son
You just not addin up to that friend
Who gets my emotions
And digs me emotionally
Who knows the moods
And can ride the swing
I’m lookin for a boyfriend
Who can converse in my conversation
And doesn’t conversate about things that are unreal
Because there is no such thing as conversate
And because there isn’t that type of conversing never happens
See he gets me and all the hyperbole
So listen here bruh
I get that you want to be down
And you willing to offer all that your
Mouth, mind, and miniscule parts can conjure up to offer me
But ahhh
Try again pahtna
Cause today…
Ain’t
the day for those type of
Boys trying to be friends
No need you ain’t even THOUGHT about being ready…
See it’s real simple
I’m looking for a boyfriend
You know that male friend
Who is more than a friend
But you
You not quite what I was looking for
You don’t even get this definition of friend
See algebra this ain’t
I’m looking for a boyfriend
Not a husband, a father or a cut buddy friend
But a boyfriend
You know the kind of friend that you can chill with
Get down with
Go out with
Be real with
And bug out with
You just don’t understand
I’m lookin for a boyfriend
And you just ain’t
That friend
See I need a boyfriend
Who is a man friend
Who can be my best friend
A ride or die loyal friend
Who just so happens to be of the male persuasion
Who spiritually we connect on a soul busom buddy
You my only friend
Type level
I’m looking for a boyfriend
Who makes me laugh when I’m crying
And sometimes I cry when he makes me laugh
Type of friend
And ahh look here son
You just not addin up to that friend
Who gets my emotions
And digs me emotionally
Who knows the moods
And can ride the swing
I’m lookin for a boyfriend
Who can converse in my conversation
And doesn’t conversate about things that are unreal
Because there is no such thing as conversate
And because there isn’t that type of conversing never happens
See he gets me and all the hyperbole
So listen here bruh
I get that you want to be down
And you willing to offer all that your
Mouth, mind, and miniscule parts can conjure up to offer me
But ahhh
Try again pahtna
Cause today…
Ain’t
the day for those type of
Boys trying to be friends
False Expectations Appearing Real
Fear is debilitating
The thing that we fear losing the most is sometimes that thing that without we would be most free
Holding on because of fear is counterproductive
You can't fly if you hold tight to the ground
Like birds with broken wings
Or newborn eagles
You will never recover or learn to fly lest you are willing to jump from your nest
No matter how secure it may seem
Or comfortable it has become
Staying in your nest or cocoon too long
Or past the time you were appointed to be there
Will do more harm than good
It eventually kills you
The irony of slaves is that some having been enslaved so long
Lose the will to leave once they gain freedom
It is change
We all fear change
But change is growth
Growth is evolution
It was said that "Suffering is the tuition one pays for a character degree"
Character comes from experience
Experience isn't always easy
And most aren't willing to go through the trial of experience
But the benefits and the lessons are always worth it
If there are two things I've learned in life it's that the only purest and truest things are love and life…
It is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all
You can not lose by loving you will only lose when you hold back
And Life is only what you make it, yesterday is gone never to be had again, tomorrow is not promised
So all you can do is live in the moment
Be happy, be present, be glad, just BE
I'm learning that if the picture is not what you want it to be change it
Don't wait for fear that it never will
Or worry that it won't get better
"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere"
Unfortunately you can never know unless you try
Let go, live loud, be free, and have faith…the eternal opposite of fear
"there's two things everybody got to find out for theyselves, they got to find about love and they got to find out about living…and living, well I had just come back from burying the dead ~ Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God"
"False Evidence Appearing Real: FEAR..." 7/11/08
I am fearful of many things, although I am sure that not all of these
fears belong to me. Some were handed down to me by my parents. Some
I made up on my own. But those fears are here in the flesh. Today I
am watch my fears manifest themselves...
"Fear is a powerful force that kills passion and confidence and
creates more and more of itself." Susan Taylor
I was praying that God take me from one situation that was slowly but
surely draining me of the enthusiasm I have always had in my dream...
I thought I was invincible before I began my last job. However, its
seems I allowed that oppresive environment and an uncomplimenting
employer take my confidence and now I am reaching in the dark to get
my confidence back in the new job.
I remind myself everyday that I cannot mess up this opportunity. So I
put incredible pressure on myself to perform at the same time
immobilized by fear that I cannot perform. When I feed the fear, it
grows and as stated above, it kills passion and confidence.
I choose not to allow myself to be consumed.
Today I've decided to change. To work through my fear until it is
gone. To trust the position that God has put me in.
I have no other choice. I refuse to miss the blessing God has in
store for me here and now because of some fear that I don't deserve to
receive it or that I may fall short. That is not my reality.
"You are a perfect child of God, born for this hour." Susan Taylor, same page...
I am born for this. I am ready for this. It is mine.
acs, Finding Silence, http://undiminished.blogspot.com/
The thing that we fear losing the most is sometimes that thing that without we would be most free
Holding on because of fear is counterproductive
You can't fly if you hold tight to the ground
Like birds with broken wings
Or newborn eagles
You will never recover or learn to fly lest you are willing to jump from your nest
No matter how secure it may seem
Or comfortable it has become
Staying in your nest or cocoon too long
Or past the time you were appointed to be there
Will do more harm than good
It eventually kills you
The irony of slaves is that some having been enslaved so long
Lose the will to leave once they gain freedom
It is change
We all fear change
But change is growth
Growth is evolution
It was said that "Suffering is the tuition one pays for a character degree"
Character comes from experience
Experience isn't always easy
And most aren't willing to go through the trial of experience
But the benefits and the lessons are always worth it
If there are two things I've learned in life it's that the only purest and truest things are love and life…
It is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all
You can not lose by loving you will only lose when you hold back
And Life is only what you make it, yesterday is gone never to be had again, tomorrow is not promised
So all you can do is live in the moment
Be happy, be present, be glad, just BE
I'm learning that if the picture is not what you want it to be change it
Don't wait for fear that it never will
Or worry that it won't get better
"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere"
Unfortunately you can never know unless you try
Let go, live loud, be free, and have faith…the eternal opposite of fear
"there's two things everybody got to find out for theyselves, they got to find about love and they got to find out about living…and living, well I had just come back from burying the dead ~ Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God"
"False Evidence Appearing Real: FEAR..." 7/11/08
I am fearful of many things, although I am sure that not all of these
fears belong to me. Some were handed down to me by my parents. Some
I made up on my own. But those fears are here in the flesh. Today I
am watch my fears manifest themselves...
"Fear is a powerful force that kills passion and confidence and
creates more and more of itself." Susan Taylor
I was praying that God take me from one situation that was slowly but
surely draining me of the enthusiasm I have always had in my dream...
I thought I was invincible before I began my last job. However, its
seems I allowed that oppresive environment and an uncomplimenting
employer take my confidence and now I am reaching in the dark to get
my confidence back in the new job.
I remind myself everyday that I cannot mess up this opportunity. So I
put incredible pressure on myself to perform at the same time
immobilized by fear that I cannot perform. When I feed the fear, it
grows and as stated above, it kills passion and confidence.
I choose not to allow myself to be consumed.
Today I've decided to change. To work through my fear until it is
gone. To trust the position that God has put me in.
I have no other choice. I refuse to miss the blessing God has in
store for me here and now because of some fear that I don't deserve to
receive it or that I may fall short. That is not my reality.
"You are a perfect child of God, born for this hour." Susan Taylor, same page...
I am born for this. I am ready for this. It is mine.
acs, Finding Silence, http://undiminished.blogspot.com/
Getting it all out...my 4 month sabbatical is down to 3!
Sometimes I cry
Not because of the man you aren’t
But because of the man you will never be
Sometimes I cry
Not because of the hurt that I feel
But because of the hurt I know is still yet to come
Sometimes I cry
Not because of the disappointment you cause
But because of the disappointment I know to expect
I cry
Because you cannot be anymore than you are
And who you are is not what I need you to be
I cry
Because you will not be what be I need you to be
And who you are not interested in being better than who you are
I cry
Because you haven’t done what I need you to do
And because your desire isn’t to do the things I look for you to do
I cry
Because you don’t want to have anything more the what you have
And you are happy living life as you have
I cry
Because I am to blame
Blame for being with someone who isn’t what I need
Who refuses to be what I want
Doesn’t care of doing what needs to be done
And so I am to blame for my own unhappiness
Hurt
Disappointment
Pain and
Heartbreak
Not because of the man you aren’t
But because of the man you will never be
Sometimes I cry
Not because of the hurt that I feel
But because of the hurt I know is still yet to come
Sometimes I cry
Not because of the disappointment you cause
But because of the disappointment I know to expect
I cry
Because you cannot be anymore than you are
And who you are is not what I need you to be
I cry
Because you will not be what be I need you to be
And who you are not interested in being better than who you are
I cry
Because you haven’t done what I need you to do
And because your desire isn’t to do the things I look for you to do
I cry
Because you don’t want to have anything more the what you have
And you are happy living life as you have
I cry
Because I am to blame
Blame for being with someone who isn’t what I need
Who refuses to be what I want
Doesn’t care of doing what needs to be done
And so I am to blame for my own unhappiness
Hurt
Disappointment
Pain and
Heartbreak
3.2.08 - For Selena
When I started my blog, I stated a few rules, one was that I would be completely honest. The problem with complete honesty is that sometimes you have to be vulnerable and you can never be completely be honest without being open. The other problem with complete honesty is that it usually makes the listener quite uncomfortable. Some know me better than others, no one I can safely say really knows me, what I think or how I feel.
Yet, I made a promise to myself some years ago, that all the experiences of my life, I would use to help, heal and educate others. Not because I'm this fabulous force or have any powerful influence, but because I've learned in my own experience, if someone doesn't speak up, no one escapes the calamities and tradgedies of others. We all learn from the mistakes of others either by hearing or experiencing what we've heard from someone else. I'm not sure of my absolute purpose in life, but I am sure that God's grace and mercy has allowed me strength, wisdom, and resilience for a reason.
I see too many beautiful women, accept and settle for substandard, abusive and useless relationships. The reasons vary, but the results are all the same. I want to take my first step to stop the process, so that perhaps my daughter, her friends, her peers don't have to go through some of the same things I did, do and will.
I have experienced rape and an abusive relationship. I had to deal with the emotions of worthlessness and escape the thinking that I was responsible and accountable for their behavior. I had to overcome the guilt and shame of being violated and used, and I had to accept I was not a savior and could not change anyone. I had to overcome the feeling that I couldn't tell anybody what had happened to me, and that I couldn't say everything that was happening to me. I could not live in hiding. I was not to blame for the bad things that happened to them, and it wasn't my job to rescue them. My experiences are by far not the worst, but they haven't always been the best. I also struggle sometimes with the issues that have allowed me to accept or be hindered by some of these things. But even though "I may be poor, black, and made to be ugly. But dear God, I'm here! I'm here!
I’m looking out of the window….wondering why I’m not out there enjoying the world. Enjoying life…life like everyone else. I’m crying because I’m imprisoned in a life that keeps me from enjoying life. This is a beautiful city with so much to do, so many places to go, and so much to see. But I’m inside. I’m always inside. I don’t enjoy anything, I have trouble accepting everything. There is something wrong. I just wish I could get out of this prison that I’ve made for myself that closes me off from the world. I don’t know how I got in here, but I’m in a solitary confinement that hurts, and kills the life in me. I have some contact with the outside world. It feels strained, artificial, it isn’t enough. It’s like having conversation through a letter. I see Morgan, she’s the best picture of love and life that I have. She is innocent, pure, unassuming, trusting. She lives life, and I’m so scared that I will scar, scare, or inhibit her ability to live and love life…imprison her. I don’t understand why I can’t enjoy the things most others enjoy. Why I’ve put myself in this box. I don’t know how to get out. I think I want out, but I’m not sure. I need help, but I don’t know who to call. I wish I had one of those old wise grandmothers, who had a bunch of quips and quotes that applied to every situation in life. An old aunty who knew how to use words like salve on open wounds, who with her words could heal all of my pain and free me from this prison I’ve built for myself. I don’t have one of those though. I wish I had a woman who could be like a mother to me and offer me some guidance, because I feel so lost and helpless and hopeless. I don’t know what to do, where to go, how to get there. What am I here for, what is my purpose. I don’t know. But as I look out this window, I see the bars I feel the chains, and I know…I won’t be leaving this prison anytime soon. I don’t have the keys and I’m not friends with the warden. I just want the pain to go away. I thought maybe there could be someone to love it away. But that didn’t work, maybe I was looking for or accepting the wrong kind of love. I wanted unconditional love, and this love was very temporal and conditional. Maybe love won’t free me. But if love can’t free me from this jail, then what. They say God can and will, if I just go to him. But I feel like I have been going, maybe not as faithfully as he’d like, but it never seems like he hears me when I call him the loudest. I can’t say that he hasn’t been there, I know enough to know that he has…but when I feel like I most desperately need him, it seems like he’s always on vacation. So I don’t really know if God will help me, even if deep in my heart I hope he will. I just want to be free, I don’t know how to be free. I think I’m even scared that if I was free, that I wouldn’t know how to function in the “outside world”. I don’t know…I just know I’m locked in a cage like a bird, and I feel my wings flutter sometimes, but even with the fluttering, I will never be able to fly, so soon it’s becoming pointless to even flap them anymore.
So I've decided that I will now fly and be free. It feels good and when I stumble and fall I will remember the destiny that I see before me, and that I don't want to be another story in a newspaper or on TV.
I look in the mirror
What do I see?
I see my power
My ability
I see tenderness.
Righteousness
Optimism &
A bit of fear
I guess
But no matter what I see
My eyes can’t tell me
What I already know
I’m best as what I am &
I don’t need nobody to tell me so
[Chorus]
I am a girl
I am a woman
I am connected
To the earth and the sky
I know the secrets
They only dream of
I love myself &
I’m gonna tell you why
I am a girl
I am a woman
I am connected
To the earth and the sky
I know the secrets
They only dream of
Girl you are what you are so I am
Everyday I walk the streets
The world & me
It’s the perfect companyI watch &
I learn as the people pass me by
In my heart I yearn to ask them why
Don’t you see the light in your soul?
The strength you have
That can only grow
I know this be so
I want only to give it back
This love in me all I see is possibilities
[Chorus]
Your song is my song girl
La La La La LaLa La La La La
[Chorus]
[Chorus 2]
Connected
To the earth and the sky
They only dream of
Girl you are what you are so I am
You are what you are
For Selena - I will not forget you and I will learn from what happened to you. I miss you girl!
Yet, I made a promise to myself some years ago, that all the experiences of my life, I would use to help, heal and educate others. Not because I'm this fabulous force or have any powerful influence, but because I've learned in my own experience, if someone doesn't speak up, no one escapes the calamities and tradgedies of others. We all learn from the mistakes of others either by hearing or experiencing what we've heard from someone else. I'm not sure of my absolute purpose in life, but I am sure that God's grace and mercy has allowed me strength, wisdom, and resilience for a reason.
I see too many beautiful women, accept and settle for substandard, abusive and useless relationships. The reasons vary, but the results are all the same. I want to take my first step to stop the process, so that perhaps my daughter, her friends, her peers don't have to go through some of the same things I did, do and will.
I have experienced rape and an abusive relationship. I had to deal with the emotions of worthlessness and escape the thinking that I was responsible and accountable for their behavior. I had to overcome the guilt and shame of being violated and used, and I had to accept I was not a savior and could not change anyone. I had to overcome the feeling that I couldn't tell anybody what had happened to me, and that I couldn't say everything that was happening to me. I could not live in hiding. I was not to blame for the bad things that happened to them, and it wasn't my job to rescue them. My experiences are by far not the worst, but they haven't always been the best. I also struggle sometimes with the issues that have allowed me to accept or be hindered by some of these things. But even though "I may be poor, black, and made to be ugly. But dear God, I'm here! I'm here!
I’m looking out of the window….wondering why I’m not out there enjoying the world. Enjoying life…life like everyone else. I’m crying because I’m imprisoned in a life that keeps me from enjoying life. This is a beautiful city with so much to do, so many places to go, and so much to see. But I’m inside. I’m always inside. I don’t enjoy anything, I have trouble accepting everything. There is something wrong. I just wish I could get out of this prison that I’ve made for myself that closes me off from the world. I don’t know how I got in here, but I’m in a solitary confinement that hurts, and kills the life in me. I have some contact with the outside world. It feels strained, artificial, it isn’t enough. It’s like having conversation through a letter. I see Morgan, she’s the best picture of love and life that I have. She is innocent, pure, unassuming, trusting. She lives life, and I’m so scared that I will scar, scare, or inhibit her ability to live and love life…imprison her. I don’t understand why I can’t enjoy the things most others enjoy. Why I’ve put myself in this box. I don’t know how to get out. I think I want out, but I’m not sure. I need help, but I don’t know who to call. I wish I had one of those old wise grandmothers, who had a bunch of quips and quotes that applied to every situation in life. An old aunty who knew how to use words like salve on open wounds, who with her words could heal all of my pain and free me from this prison I’ve built for myself. I don’t have one of those though. I wish I had a woman who could be like a mother to me and offer me some guidance, because I feel so lost and helpless and hopeless. I don’t know what to do, where to go, how to get there. What am I here for, what is my purpose. I don’t know. But as I look out this window, I see the bars I feel the chains, and I know…I won’t be leaving this prison anytime soon. I don’t have the keys and I’m not friends with the warden. I just want the pain to go away. I thought maybe there could be someone to love it away. But that didn’t work, maybe I was looking for or accepting the wrong kind of love. I wanted unconditional love, and this love was very temporal and conditional. Maybe love won’t free me. But if love can’t free me from this jail, then what. They say God can and will, if I just go to him. But I feel like I have been going, maybe not as faithfully as he’d like, but it never seems like he hears me when I call him the loudest. I can’t say that he hasn’t been there, I know enough to know that he has…but when I feel like I most desperately need him, it seems like he’s always on vacation. So I don’t really know if God will help me, even if deep in my heart I hope he will. I just want to be free, I don’t know how to be free. I think I’m even scared that if I was free, that I wouldn’t know how to function in the “outside world”. I don’t know…I just know I’m locked in a cage like a bird, and I feel my wings flutter sometimes, but even with the fluttering, I will never be able to fly, so soon it’s becoming pointless to even flap them anymore.
So I've decided that I will now fly and be free. It feels good and when I stumble and fall I will remember the destiny that I see before me, and that I don't want to be another story in a newspaper or on TV.
I look in the mirror
What do I see?
I see my power
My ability
I see tenderness.
Righteousness
Optimism &
A bit of fear
I guess
But no matter what I see
My eyes can’t tell me
What I already know
I’m best as what I am &
I don’t need nobody to tell me so
[Chorus]
I am a girl
I am a woman
I am connected
To the earth and the sky
I know the secrets
They only dream of
I love myself &
I’m gonna tell you why
I am a girl
I am a woman
I am connected
To the earth and the sky
I know the secrets
They only dream of
Girl you are what you are so I am
Everyday I walk the streets
The world & me
It’s the perfect companyI watch &
I learn as the people pass me by
In my heart I yearn to ask them why
Don’t you see the light in your soul?
The strength you have
That can only grow
I know this be so
I want only to give it back
This love in me all I see is possibilities
[Chorus]
Your song is my song girl
La La La La LaLa La La La La
[Chorus]
[Chorus 2]
Connected
To the earth and the sky
They only dream of
Girl you are what you are so I am
You are what you are
For Selena - I will not forget you and I will learn from what happened to you. I miss you girl!
10.7.08
Epiphany of the day
I was reading Barack and Michelle's marriage profile and I stumbled across a link of famous couples profiles. So, I clicked on it, and read this quote by Ruby Dee...
Ruby Dee: "How to ride the rough waves in a relation long enough for the waters to get calm? When does it sink in that overcoming difficult times gets easier with practice? How do you drag some of the good feelings, good times vibrations into the stormy places? To love someone long and deep is a "consummation devoutly to be wished"!... It is day by day, one step at a time. It may not mean two bathrooms, but just some space, some privacy, some area to be alone. ...Unlike the wedding event, that takes place in a day, marriage is a long process that goes on at some level every day for the rest of your life....We have to learn how to live together... I thought I loved you, Ossie, when we got married, but as I see now, I was only in the kindergarten of the proposition. To arrive at love is like working on a double doctorate in the subject of Life." Source: With Ossie and Ruby: In This Life Together, pages 430-431
My eyes started to well up with tears, but I got myself together. The part that hurts the most about my breakup and the part that I fight with everyday is this small epiphany...
I hoped that it would be you, but I knew in my heart that it couldn't...
Ruby Dee: "How to ride the rough waves in a relation long enough for the waters to get calm? When does it sink in that overcoming difficult times gets easier with practice? How do you drag some of the good feelings, good times vibrations into the stormy places? To love someone long and deep is a "consummation devoutly to be wished"!... It is day by day, one step at a time. It may not mean two bathrooms, but just some space, some privacy, some area to be alone. ...Unlike the wedding event, that takes place in a day, marriage is a long process that goes on at some level every day for the rest of your life....We have to learn how to live together... I thought I loved you, Ossie, when we got married, but as I see now, I was only in the kindergarten of the proposition. To arrive at love is like working on a double doctorate in the subject of Life." Source: With Ossie and Ruby: In This Life Together, pages 430-431
My eyes started to well up with tears, but I got myself together. The part that hurts the most about my breakup and the part that I fight with everyday is this small epiphany...
I hoped that it would be you, but I knew in my heart that it couldn't...
The Beauty, Epitome and Results of Love: Barack and Michelle
“However, it’s refreshing for the future POTUS to show such ease and comfort while being the brunt of the jokes from the girls at the same time still exuding a position of authority within his family unit. Michelle's personality shows exactly what she is, educated and powerful. It’s going to be great to see her not just glowing at her husband in adoration as he speaks but have a voice and platform of her own. These are the qualities I can't wait to see in the First Family!!!”
I saw this quote while reading an article on CNN. I was supposed to be sleeping on the bus while came into work. But, I read that and all I could say was damn! This person (I shall presume is female) has summed up in a statement the dynamics of this family. This dynamic is what makes this family regal, beautiful, relevant, and important. Regal because they carry themselves with a level of poise, dignity, and dare I say class that is rarely seen. In today's reality TV driven society---which has become the mirror and true picture of our collective souls and national identity---seeing a family such as this, and a black one at that and/or no less, is refreshing for me and a blessing for many others. They are beautiful because from what we see they have found a love deep and wide enough that they can point out the flaws and shortcomings of one another without causing injury. They can laugh at the inadequacies of an individual member without being cruel. They are beautiful because they demonstrate love and a family many aspire to have but so few have attained. They are relevant; when half of the marriages in this nation are ending in divorce it is relevant to see how those that thrive work. As Americans pretend to be moral, value driven, and faith based they are relevant because this family which embodies what is best in any of us, has shown how false, salacious, prejudiced, racist, sexist, and amoral we actually are. When the other top contenders are considered, and we evaluate our support of them, we can only be judged as hypocrites. Their lives surpass the low benchmarks of our professed character checks, lifestyle lists, or religious rationales.
Yet, and most importantly, they are important. As a black woman it is a black family that is showing us what we all should, could and would be if we had the courage. Many have said it, and it bears repeating, they are this generations Huxtable family. Unless you watch re-runs you have missed not only one of the greatest American sitcoms, but one of the most triumphant American families. I won't detract from other shows, such as Good Times or House of Payne right now; however, they’re a picture that many black people were familiar with. Bill Cosby's discourse on the black family was not only new to the America that the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences lauds, the media portrays, or the average Clever, Arnold or even Bundy family knew and had seen, it was new to---many black people as well. The hundreds of thousands living in projects, low-income Section 8 housing and sprawled across ghettoes nationwide not only never saw that kind of family, but never knew that there were black people, everyday black people who were accomplished in this way. I still remember people I went to church with who thought that my friends and I were not "black enough" because we lived in the suburbs, in our own houses, spoke properly, had both of our parents in that house, and didn't have need for anything. To some of us this was a familiar picture; it was just a show that was being broadcast for the rest of the world to see. We were proud to see ourselves.
My own family was by far too dysfunctional to have met the Cosby household’s threshold rapport of love, respect, and camaraderie; yet so many of the families I grew up with did. We lived a middle class life some more upper than others. We thought it abnormal to see children in single parent homes, and many in those situations sought to hide such a fact. We were not unaware of divorce or family turbulence, the minor and sometimes major upheavals of life; however, we handled and weathered them differently. Many of our fathers were like Cliff---strong, confident, and secure, while at the same time loving, nurturing, and present. He was the king in his castle, but never had to rule with an iron fist in order to play his role. Most of our mothers were like Claire. Independent, powerful, and erudite nevertheless she was a class act, sophisticated, and caring. Like their children we made our mistakes but we were expected to do more than make just average accomplishments, do more than just make a blemish on life’s record, and pushed to understand more than meets the eye. Mediocrity wasn't only unacceptable it wasn't an option. That's not why they bought houses in suburban or less urbane urban areas, and paid high property taxes. As life would have it, we each in turn have or will expect even greater feats from our children. We were “Buppies”, not bougie, and there is a difference.
Barack Obama and his beautiful queen Michelle have embodied this spirit with their precocious, pretty, and primed princesses, Malia, 9, and Natasha “Sasha”, 6. I am excited because I had lost faith in the possibility of finding a Cliff Huxtable, but lo and behold there is hope. It is evidenced in this real life man named Barack Obama. So many men amongst my people are uneducated, unemployed and incarcerated or formerly incarcerated brood. According to statistics this lot constitutes half of my so-called brothers who most times are also the ones who disrespect me and my other sisters with their behavior, their music and their thinking. I knew once I subtracted the homosexuals and those on the down low the pool of acceptable applications would further decrease. With what was left I'd have the successful, some educated some not so much, corporate boys, musicians, and sports personalities. Since so many of them have ego and self-concept issues they tend to all of a sudden self-actualize and transcend racism and stereotypes and marry the first non-black thing that will have them. Let's be honest, I haven’t even gotten to marking off those who aren't physically appealing, emotionally stirring, mentally stimulating, or who just have bad breath and horrible clothes.
I can’t excuse women either. I'm happy and honored just to bask in the television presence of Michelle LaVaughn Obama. She has received what America considers a good education; she behaves with dignity, and sometimes often with sympathy. She is the woman I've always wanted to be. I've always liked strong woman. Lord, she has all her teeth, isn't a baby mama with 6 kids, 15 inches of weave made from someone else’s hair, she isn't died into colors she could not possibly grow, and she doesn’t have plastic, acrylic, or gel on her nails. Her clothes fit, she isn’t holding on to being thick, as a nice way of denying to herself that she is fat. She's not the type that would further degrade womanhood by being in some man's demoralizing videos or pornographic films. She is strong enough to be her own woman with her own mind and she expresses it. I have some things I know I need to work on to become like her, but I truly thank God everyday for showing me what I can be. Now that's real talk.
They are raising wonderful children, and have rightly decided that we the world do not need to know anything more about them than we already do. They will grow up to be normal functioning productive members of society, who may acquire bumps and bruises...but they aren't going to become another Lindsey Lohan, Brittany or Jamie Lynn Spears, Lil Kim or Tiffany “Miss New York” Pollard!
So I'm wondering, where are the Barack's? That's where I want to go, that's where I need to be. Someone presented the idea that you must be a Michelle. Now this is not an excuse, it’s just stating a case. I present that Claire wouldn't have been the Claire she was if she had been married to James Evans of Good Times or one of the characters in the Tyler Perry movies, plays and TV show. That's not knocking them, but even as the Bible sets forth men set the tenor of their home and their wives control the tone. Neither is greater or lesser than the other, they just play their role and know their position. As I said earlier, both Barack and Cliff definitely are the rulers of their houses, but their wives being able to run it allows/enhances their ability to rule and vice versa. Ask any single parent how hard it is to play both roles. Ask me, it's damn near impossible, that's why those who are successful at it are so applauded for the feat.
So, if someone knows Barack's, twin or younger brother, please send him this sister's way, because I'm dying to be just like Michelle! Holla!
There is such a thing
Jul 21, 2007 6:34 PM
There is such a thing
There is such a thing that is called love
That moves mountains
And creates valleys
Showers down like
Rainshowers
Brightens lives like
Sunflowers
Creates
Pleasure
And passion
And purpose
There is such a thing that is called love
That equalizes
What the rest of the world makes
Uneven
Answers questions
random equivocations formulate
Perplexes the minds of those who think only in logical reasoning’s
There is such a thing that is called love
That runs deep like rivers
ruminations
sails high in air like clouds
esoteric
Making shapes out of air
And space
And things that cannot be confined
unify
But finds ways to release those who feel
infinite
and understand this thing called
Love
There is such a thing called love
That divides
The good from the best
Can juxtapose
The dichotomy of
Our being and our feeling
It is irrational and unreal
And relevant and reality
There is such a thing called love
That transcends what we think
How we feel
What we know
Who we are
What we’ve done
And makes us into who we become
There is such a thing called love
That allows us to see the God in ourselves in others
Evolve into what God wants us to be
Our love God’s creation and commandment
Brings us closer to the divine
Destiny
We the lord of the sun and the queen of the moon
There is such a thing called love that
Gives makes creates is
Life…
Because
There is such a thing called love and it feels so damn good
I saw this quote while reading an article on CNN. I was supposed to be sleeping on the bus while came into work. But, I read that and all I could say was damn! This person (I shall presume is female) has summed up in a statement the dynamics of this family. This dynamic is what makes this family regal, beautiful, relevant, and important. Regal because they carry themselves with a level of poise, dignity, and dare I say class that is rarely seen. In today's reality TV driven society---which has become the mirror and true picture of our collective souls and national identity---seeing a family such as this, and a black one at that and/or no less, is refreshing for me and a blessing for many others. They are beautiful because from what we see they have found a love deep and wide enough that they can point out the flaws and shortcomings of one another without causing injury. They can laugh at the inadequacies of an individual member without being cruel. They are beautiful because they demonstrate love and a family many aspire to have but so few have attained. They are relevant; when half of the marriages in this nation are ending in divorce it is relevant to see how those that thrive work. As Americans pretend to be moral, value driven, and faith based they are relevant because this family which embodies what is best in any of us, has shown how false, salacious, prejudiced, racist, sexist, and amoral we actually are. When the other top contenders are considered, and we evaluate our support of them, we can only be judged as hypocrites. Their lives surpass the low benchmarks of our professed character checks, lifestyle lists, or religious rationales.
Yet, and most importantly, they are important. As a black woman it is a black family that is showing us what we all should, could and would be if we had the courage. Many have said it, and it bears repeating, they are this generations Huxtable family. Unless you watch re-runs you have missed not only one of the greatest American sitcoms, but one of the most triumphant American families. I won't detract from other shows, such as Good Times or House of Payne right now; however, they’re a picture that many black people were familiar with. Bill Cosby's discourse on the black family was not only new to the America that the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences lauds, the media portrays, or the average Clever, Arnold or even Bundy family knew and had seen, it was new to---many black people as well. The hundreds of thousands living in projects, low-income Section 8 housing and sprawled across ghettoes nationwide not only never saw that kind of family, but never knew that there were black people, everyday black people who were accomplished in this way. I still remember people I went to church with who thought that my friends and I were not "black enough" because we lived in the suburbs, in our own houses, spoke properly, had both of our parents in that house, and didn't have need for anything. To some of us this was a familiar picture; it was just a show that was being broadcast for the rest of the world to see. We were proud to see ourselves.
My own family was by far too dysfunctional to have met the Cosby household’s threshold rapport of love, respect, and camaraderie; yet so many of the families I grew up with did. We lived a middle class life some more upper than others. We thought it abnormal to see children in single parent homes, and many in those situations sought to hide such a fact. We were not unaware of divorce or family turbulence, the minor and sometimes major upheavals of life; however, we handled and weathered them differently. Many of our fathers were like Cliff---strong, confident, and secure, while at the same time loving, nurturing, and present. He was the king in his castle, but never had to rule with an iron fist in order to play his role. Most of our mothers were like Claire. Independent, powerful, and erudite nevertheless she was a class act, sophisticated, and caring. Like their children we made our mistakes but we were expected to do more than make just average accomplishments, do more than just make a blemish on life’s record, and pushed to understand more than meets the eye. Mediocrity wasn't only unacceptable it wasn't an option. That's not why they bought houses in suburban or less urbane urban areas, and paid high property taxes. As life would have it, we each in turn have or will expect even greater feats from our children. We were “Buppies”, not bougie, and there is a difference.
Barack Obama and his beautiful queen Michelle have embodied this spirit with their precocious, pretty, and primed princesses, Malia, 9, and Natasha “Sasha”, 6. I am excited because I had lost faith in the possibility of finding a Cliff Huxtable, but lo and behold there is hope. It is evidenced in this real life man named Barack Obama. So many men amongst my people are uneducated, unemployed and incarcerated or formerly incarcerated brood. According to statistics this lot constitutes half of my so-called brothers who most times are also the ones who disrespect me and my other sisters with their behavior, their music and their thinking. I knew once I subtracted the homosexuals and those on the down low the pool of acceptable applications would further decrease. With what was left I'd have the successful, some educated some not so much, corporate boys, musicians, and sports personalities. Since so many of them have ego and self-concept issues they tend to all of a sudden self-actualize and transcend racism and stereotypes and marry the first non-black thing that will have them. Let's be honest, I haven’t even gotten to marking off those who aren't physically appealing, emotionally stirring, mentally stimulating, or who just have bad breath and horrible clothes.
I can’t excuse women either. I'm happy and honored just to bask in the television presence of Michelle LaVaughn Obama. She has received what America considers a good education; she behaves with dignity, and sometimes often with sympathy. She is the woman I've always wanted to be. I've always liked strong woman. Lord, she has all her teeth, isn't a baby mama with 6 kids, 15 inches of weave made from someone else’s hair, she isn't died into colors she could not possibly grow, and she doesn’t have plastic, acrylic, or gel on her nails. Her clothes fit, she isn’t holding on to being thick, as a nice way of denying to herself that she is fat. She's not the type that would further degrade womanhood by being in some man's demoralizing videos or pornographic films. She is strong enough to be her own woman with her own mind and she expresses it. I have some things I know I need to work on to become like her, but I truly thank God everyday for showing me what I can be. Now that's real talk.
They are raising wonderful children, and have rightly decided that we the world do not need to know anything more about them than we already do. They will grow up to be normal functioning productive members of society, who may acquire bumps and bruises...but they aren't going to become another Lindsey Lohan, Brittany or Jamie Lynn Spears, Lil Kim or Tiffany “Miss New York” Pollard!
So I'm wondering, where are the Barack's? That's where I want to go, that's where I need to be. Someone presented the idea that you must be a Michelle. Now this is not an excuse, it’s just stating a case. I present that Claire wouldn't have been the Claire she was if she had been married to James Evans of Good Times or one of the characters in the Tyler Perry movies, plays and TV show. That's not knocking them, but even as the Bible sets forth men set the tenor of their home and their wives control the tone. Neither is greater or lesser than the other, they just play their role and know their position. As I said earlier, both Barack and Cliff definitely are the rulers of their houses, but their wives being able to run it allows/enhances their ability to rule and vice versa. Ask any single parent how hard it is to play both roles. Ask me, it's damn near impossible, that's why those who are successful at it are so applauded for the feat.
So, if someone knows Barack's, twin or younger brother, please send him this sister's way, because I'm dying to be just like Michelle! Holla!
There is such a thing
Jul 21, 2007 6:34 PM
There is such a thing
There is such a thing that is called love
That moves mountains
And creates valleys
Showers down like
Rainshowers
Brightens lives like
Sunflowers
Creates
Pleasure
And passion
And purpose
There is such a thing that is called love
That equalizes
What the rest of the world makes
Uneven
Answers questions
random equivocations formulate
Perplexes the minds of those who think only in logical reasoning’s
There is such a thing that is called love
That runs deep like rivers
ruminations
sails high in air like clouds
esoteric
Making shapes out of air
And space
And things that cannot be confined
unify
But finds ways to release those who feel
infinite
and understand this thing called
Love
There is such a thing called love
That divides
The good from the best
Can juxtapose
The dichotomy of
Our being and our feeling
It is irrational and unreal
And relevant and reality
There is such a thing called love
That transcends what we think
How we feel
What we know
Who we are
What we’ve done
And makes us into who we become
There is such a thing called love
That allows us to see the God in ourselves in others
Evolve into what God wants us to be
Our love God’s creation and commandment
Brings us closer to the divine
Destiny
We the lord of the sun and the queen of the moon
There is such a thing called love that
Gives makes creates is
Life…
Because
There is such a thing called love and it feels so damn good
4.7.08
Black Ice is 1 of My Husbands
So there are a few men that I am in love with, albeit from a difference. See I have this imaginary harem. I love them all for different reasons. Whether it's their looks, their intellect, the certain swagger they have, the way the speak, the way they walk, or you know the way they do what they do.
Well I love Ice because this man has found a way to give words meaning. After dealing with a NIGGA that only used words for deception and lies and words had no intellectual value other than the analysis of how one could use so many words to equal such bullshit...(breathe), I am honored to meet a black man who uses words for something so much more. Sit back and listen...
Well I love Ice because this man has found a way to give words meaning. After dealing with a NIGGA that only used words for deception and lies and words had no intellectual value other than the analysis of how one could use so many words to equal such bullshit...(breathe), I am honored to meet a black man who uses words for something so much more. Sit back and listen...
3.7.08
30.6.08
Omar Tyree throws in the towel
For the record, I never called my work “street literature” and Inever will. When I began to publish ground breaking contemporarynovels with Flyy Girl in 1993, and Capital City in 1994, I calledthem “urban classics.” They were “urban” because they dealt withpeople of color in the inner-city or “urban” population areas. Theywere “classics” because I considered myself one of the first to startthe work of a new era. But now, after sixteen years and sixteennovels in the African-American adult urban fiction game, I feel likethe man who created the monster Frankenstein. Things have gotten way out of hand. So it’s now time to put up my pen and move on tosomething new, until the readership is ready to develop a liking forfresh material on other subjects.
Hey, hey, hey I agree...
Wait...I thought the war ended in '03...
Mugabe is just following African tradition...
"It is certain, in any case, that ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have." ~ James Baldwin
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscienctious stupidity." ~ MLK, Jr.
Mugabe said he intends to challenge African leaders at the African Union summit over their condemnation.
"I would like some leaders who are making these statements to point out at me and we would see if these fingers would be cleaner than mine," Mugabe said this week, according to Zimbabwe's state-run newspaper The Herald. "Some African countries have done worse things."
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscienctious stupidity." ~ MLK, Jr.
Mugabe said he intends to challenge African leaders at the African Union summit over their condemnation.
"I would like some leaders who are making these statements to point out at me and we would see if these fingers would be cleaner than mine," Mugabe said this week, according to Zimbabwe's state-run newspaper The Herald. "Some African countries have done worse things."
29.6.08
I am not against prison for children!
I'm sorry I would still whup his behind...is these damn laws saying you can't beat your children that has them acting like damn fools. I didn't say kill the little bastard, but shit I'm still here and my parents used to wear my butt out!!!
It's fun to do bad things, I wanted to do some hood rat stuff... Prison is in his future...
It's fun to do bad things, I wanted to do some hood rat stuff... Prison is in his future...
Mugabe is declared the winner in a bogus election
It's not very often that I get to say, I'm actually proud of Mr. Bush. Yet, today I am. Although, his actions may only be symbolic I'm happy that he has decided to take some action.
President George W. Bush of the United States called Saturday for an international arms embargo against Zimbabwe in the wake of what he called a sham election and announced that the United States was drafting new economic sanctions that, for the first time, would target the entire Mugabe government.
"The international community has condemned the Mugabe regime's ruthless campaign of politically motivated violence and intimidation," Bush said in a statement from the presidential retreat at Camp David, Maryland, adding that he had directed his secretaries of treasury and state to develop sanctions "against this illegitimate government of Zimbabwe and those who support it."
The call for an embargo, which Bush coupled with a proposal to ban travel by officials of the government, was unlikely to be successful. U.S. officials said it would almost certainly run into opposition at the United Nations from South Africa, Russia and China; South Africa's position has long been that the Zimbabwe election is an internal affair.
The United States' own sanctions, by contrast, could be carried out unilaterally. American officials said the plan was to put pressure on Zimbabwe's gold and platinum mining industry, a crucial source of foreign exchange. The sanctions are expected to restrict the Zimbabwean government's ability to do business with U.S. companies, though it is unclear which agencies or state- controlled businesses would be affected.
"The international community has condemned the Mugabe regime's ruthless campaign of politically motivated violence and intimidation," Bush said in a statement from the presidential retreat at Camp David, Maryland, adding that he had directed his secretaries of treasury and state to develop sanctions "against this illegitimate government of Zimbabwe and those who support it."
The call for an embargo, which Bush coupled with a proposal to ban travel by officials of the government, was unlikely to be successful. U.S. officials said it would almost certainly run into opposition at the United Nations from South Africa, Russia and China; South Africa's position has long been that the Zimbabwe election is an internal affair.
The United States' own sanctions, by contrast, could be carried out unilaterally. American officials said the plan was to put pressure on Zimbabwe's gold and platinum mining industry, a crucial source of foreign exchange. The sanctions are expected to restrict the Zimbabwean government's ability to do business with U.S. companies, though it is unclear which agencies or state- controlled businesses would be affected.
28.6.08
Pastor's Daugther has her Sweet 16 on MTV!!!
This is so sad...as a PK myself, I must admit, I would have wanted a party like this. However, my father had good enough sense to say...I rebuke you and this foolish idea in the name of Jesus...this is so stupid. Not even that, the church should really say, who voted to give this girl this party, cause they paid for it...GHETTO...and I forgot to add...why are they auditioning DANCERS in the church. The best birthday present for her, would have been a mandatory diet and an all expense paid trip to FAT CAMP!!!
I'll promptly be returning my DVD's I purchased from the good Rev. R.A. Vernon...I will not send money,to pay for this chile or any other to have PARTIES! I could spend it on my own damn party.
I'll promptly be returning my DVD's I purchased from the good Rev. R.A. Vernon...I will not send money,to pay for this chile or any other to have PARTIES! I could spend it on my own damn party.
27.6.08
Broken Pieces = Limited Sight
I wrote this about 6 months ago...
I have to let go, even though my heart wants to hold on
But my heart can’t hold out much longer…it’s broken
I have to leave, even though my soul is tied to you
But my soul can’t continue on like this…it’s broken
I have to move on, even though my spirt says no
But my spirit can’t make it on it’s on…it’s broken
I have to give up, even though my will wants to fight
But my will can’t win…it’s broken
I don’t think you’ve listened to me
Or can feel my pain
I don’t think you’ve heard me
Or can understand my pain
I don’t think that you’ve understood me
Or can you accept my pain
You just can’t see me
I have to let go, even though my heart wants to hold on
But my heart can’t hold out much longer…it’s broken
I have to leave, even though my soul is tied to you
But my soul can’t continue on like this…it’s broken
I have to move on, even though my spirt says no
But my spirit can’t make it on it’s on…it’s broken
I have to give up, even though my will wants to fight
But my will can’t win…it’s broken
I don’t think you’ve listened to me
Or can feel my pain
I don’t think you’ve heard me
Or can understand my pain
I don’t think that you’ve understood me
Or can you accept my pain
You just can’t see me
I'm Smooth Pissed the Fuck Off
I'm angry, disgruntled, ANNOYED AS HELL, depressed, despondent, all that shit. I took a test today at the doctor and DID NOT get back good news. I got absolutely the opposite news of what I wanted to hear. I really need this shit right now. Not good timing. I want to know, who do you go to to complain when things don't work out right... like why isn't there a customer service agent that you can bitch to, when you need to return a situation.
Shit...this leave of absence isn't going good right now...and it's all that motherfucka's fault.
So let's tally this up...
1)Bad Health
2)I NEED a new APT ASAP
3)I'm tired as hell
4)I was dating a damn fool
All that shit equals...BULLSHIT...I need a fuckin' vacation!
Straight from TnHott!!!
If you want to know what's going on...you have to RSS MsHotSauce...she's got all the info.
So I was doing my daily read on her site, and saw the disgusting photos of Ms. New York. SO APPALLING!!!! I mean what can I say. It's sad that Michelle Obama is a target for taunts and insidious gossip and "people" like Tiffany are celebrated celebrities. Thank you Whoopi for saying it, cause I agree, I am happy to finally see a black woman on TV who is not neck popping (Monique), being a bitch (Omarosa), showing her titties (Lil Kim), selling her ass (Superhead and all the other video hoes), being a damn fool (the aforementioned Tiffany), or being just plain common, and ghetto, and low class, and wanna be bougie with no concept of the words meaning or origin. Because you shake your ass from one side of the block to the next walking down the street in 4 inch heels from Bakers, a knock off Chanel, Prada, Gucci or Vuitton bag, claiming to be thick, w/xtra small non-fitting jeans, a top that exposes all your rolls and stretch marks hanging out, with a $250 weave, and big ole bamboo earrings, dating the likes of the ghetto hypermasculine drug dealing pimp who parks his Escalade, BMW, Mercedes, Audi, next to the projects or other low budget rental---I REPEAT...IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU BOUGIE...IT MAKES YOU GHETTO W/A LOT OF ACCOUTREMENTS AND ARTIFICIAL ADDITIONS. No more venting I started talking about my...nevermind just go check her site...
So I was doing my daily read on her site, and saw the disgusting photos of Ms. New York. SO APPALLING!!!! I mean what can I say. It's sad that Michelle Obama is a target for taunts and insidious gossip and "people" like Tiffany are celebrated celebrities. Thank you Whoopi for saying it, cause I agree, I am happy to finally see a black woman on TV who is not neck popping (Monique), being a bitch (Omarosa), showing her titties (Lil Kim), selling her ass (Superhead and all the other video hoes), being a damn fool (the aforementioned Tiffany), or being just plain common, and ghetto, and low class, and wanna be bougie with no concept of the words meaning or origin. Because you shake your ass from one side of the block to the next walking down the street in 4 inch heels from Bakers, a knock off Chanel, Prada, Gucci or Vuitton bag, claiming to be thick, w/xtra small non-fitting jeans, a top that exposes all your rolls and stretch marks hanging out, with a $250 weave, and big ole bamboo earrings, dating the likes of the ghetto hypermasculine drug dealing pimp who parks his Escalade, BMW, Mercedes, Audi, next to the projects or other low budget rental---I REPEAT...IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU BOUGIE...IT MAKES YOU GHETTO W/A LOT OF ACCOUTREMENTS AND ARTIFICIAL ADDITIONS. No more venting I started talking about my...nevermind just go check her site...
Zimbabwe vote begins amid reports of coercion
26.6.08
Insomnia lyrics
It is 4 a.m.I'm waiting in our bed alone,
It is 4 a.m.I'm waiting in our bed alone,
Dreaming of your embrace
Wishing you would come back home
But you don't call,
And you don't come,
And you don't say,
That you miss me
And you don't stop
To say hi
On your way by
I'm feeling crazy
It is 5 a.m.
And I'm waiting by the phone again
This is not how it's 'sposed to be
You're 'sposed to be here with me
But you're go'n now
But you're go'n now
You're just go'n now
You don't even think about the way I feel
You're just go'n now
You're just go'n now
When I know you should be right here
It's 6 o'clock in the morning
And I'm so tired of yawning
I am miserable and feeling blue
Cause all I really want is you
But you don't call,
And you don't come,
And you don't say,
That you miss me
And you don't stop
And you don't stop
To say hi
On your way by
I'm feeling crazy
It's 7 o'clock in the a.m.
In 15 minutes this alarm will be ringing
At work,no one will feel my pain
It's a shame the way this whole thing changed
But you're go'n now
You're just go'n now
You don't think about the way I feel
You're just go'n now
You're just go'n now
When you know that you should be right here
But you don't call,
And you don't come,
And you don't say,
That you miss me
No,no,no,no
And you don't stop
To say hi
On your way by
This is crazy
Brrring...Time to wake up,
And put on my strong face
And hope that no one will know
Time to wake up, put on my strong face
Time to wake up, put on my strong face
And hope that no one will know
You have managed to turn me
From a woman of substance
Into a 'Brick flying, calling too damn much
Cryin' and cryin', spyin' way down, down low with flats on
From the opposite side of the bar
Easy off, load on the top of your car' chick
I never intended to be this chick
Rope in that smoke for her mind
Or the readily dissolving remnants of it
After being chased, I've been dismissed
As just an object, something to play with
You have managed to turn me
From a woman of substance to this
Why a blog now...
So here it is...I have OFFICIALLY broken up with my "boyfriend" of 4+ years. Moved out the whole nine yards. The relationship had it's good moments...but the BAD moments are most memorable. The relationship should have been done long ago. Maybe after the first time he cheated, or I moved out, or he broke something, or I contemplated having him run over by a bus.
But I guess like all relationships, there is a period of mourning...and it's crazy because the relationship should be over. Don't trust him, can't stand most of his friends, we come from two different lifestyles, points of view, values, you know...all the things that make a relationship not work. The volatilty and hostility were second to...the soaps.
With all of that, I really don't have a place to deal with the emotions, no crying, no yelling, no dealing. I don't sleep as it is, so I think, and I ponder and I wonder, and replay all the scenarios and scenes of what was, what it is and what could be...I'm tired.
That's why I'm here (this blog will not just be about him---I'm not giving him that much room in my life) but he is the impetus that propelled me here. I write when I have issues---my way of venting---so I'm venting.
Jill Scott's song Insomnia is my theme...
But I guess like all relationships, there is a period of mourning...and it's crazy because the relationship should be over. Don't trust him, can't stand most of his friends, we come from two different lifestyles, points of view, values, you know...all the things that make a relationship not work. The volatilty and hostility were second to...the soaps.
With all of that, I really don't have a place to deal with the emotions, no crying, no yelling, no dealing. I don't sleep as it is, so I think, and I ponder and I wonder, and replay all the scenarios and scenes of what was, what it is and what could be...I'm tired.
That's why I'm here (this blog will not just be about him---I'm not giving him that much room in my life) but he is the impetus that propelled me here. I write when I have issues---my way of venting---so I'm venting.
Jill Scott's song Insomnia is my theme...
Welcome
Ok, let's establish the ground rules.
I will always be honest---straight from the gut, aiming for the throat, brutally honest.
I will vent as much as possible.
I am open to all opinions, but only mine will matter to me.
I hope that you enjoy everything.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way...down to business, I have a lot to say, haven't slept in years!
I will always be honest---straight from the gut, aiming for the throat, brutally honest.
I will vent as much as possible.
I am open to all opinions, but only mine will matter to me.
I hope that you enjoy everything.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way...down to business, I have a lot to say, haven't slept in years!
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