"Letting go doesn't mean we don't care. Letting go doesn't mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.” ~ Melody Beattie
Giving up, it’s so hard to do…but I’ve tried
Giving up on something you love or hold dear is definitely one of the hardest things in life to do. It affects your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual being. It’s why people hold on to something that’s bad or detrimental to them for so long, sometimes forever. Why we don’t let relationships expire, jobs end, items go…we form dependencies to our junk, addictions to our dependencies. We have “spiritual necrophilia” we fall in love with the dead things in our lives.
I’ve struggled with giving up; letting go of someone that I’ve loved and allowed to become a part of my being. It was hard to accept that they didn’t love me back or in a way comparable to my love for them. Sometimes, we try to manipulate what isn’t quite what we want into something that is a little more palatable. Rationalize the deficiencies into something more acceptable. Coax the situation into a favorable position for ourselves. We hold onto to the seasonal trying to make it permanent. Yet, “winter cannot go into spring”. Holding on to leaves past their season: loved ones past their exit scene, jobs past their point of fulfillment, positions past the point where we make a difference, It isn’t beneficial to anyone. We block that thing from receiving the best so that we can feel good about our choices.
In my giving up I had to accept that I wasn’t happy and therefore, I was stifling someone else’s happiness. It was quite alright to say I wasn’t getting what I needed. Yet, I had to accept that they were a child of God just like I was and had the right to choose not to make me happy. They had the right to choose to be seasonal. It was the interstitial zone where a decision needed to be made for my own fulfillment and I was vacillating hoping that my supposed partner in this boat would choose first; so I wouldn’t have to choose the inevitable---the painful. Did it make them a bad person? No. It just meant they were a bad person for me and what I needed.
Finally, something hit me! When faced with having a tumor in my breast, I didn’t question what I had to do. Did I ever cry? Of course. But, I knew that I had to choose. I could choose to hold on to my emotional and internalized views of womanhood or choose to live. The fork in the road gave me two options, and they were simply being cute and dead or not so cute and alive…I made the logical choice to live. In this situation I could to choose to be unhappy and die or find happiness and live. I had no other options, there were no other options, and I wasn’t given other options. Life had to win! It hurts, it hurt, but I can live to see another day.
What do you need to let die so that you can live?
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell
Make it a great day!
Giving Up "Live" - Donny Hathaway
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